From two sides
I grew up never knowing my parents as a couple. I am often thankful for that. I use to think all the time “What would it be like if my parents were still married?” Now that I am grown I know I would have seen my mom sad most of the time. My dad was a drunk and a drug abuser, both reasons for her leaving him. I can’t tell you how many times I heard my dad say to his friends “If that b**** hadn’t taken my kids away…” My mom never took us from him, he did that himself. We were at most 15 minutes away and it may as well been 15 hours.
As a child I considered myself to be a “daddy’s-girl”, I took up for him and fought countless times with my siblings about how misunderstood he was. Even during those fights my mom never once bad-mouthed my dad. Never once did she tell me why she left him. I can’t tell you how much I respect my mom for that. Even with my dad’s “issues” we didn’t have the same struggle a lot of kids do. My mom NEVER kept us from him. She always gave him the benefit of the doubt because she knew how important that relationship should be. She encouraged a relationship and wanted us to spend time with our dad. Something most dad’s beg and plead for!! He never took advantage of that. Once I got older I realized how naïve I had been as a child. I finally accepted that my dad could not and will not ever be able to have a relationship with us because he can’t forgive my mom.
As a parent you should always keep the best interest of your child as your main priority! No excuses. As a child I begged my dad to come to school events and all he had were excuses. “If SHE’s going to be there I can’t be there.” To any parent that ever uses that excuse…SHAME ON YOU! Divorce is messy and a very sad thing but why should the children have to suffer? My dad was so bitter and to this day it still breaks my heart. I don’t think I can ever forgive him for being so hateful about and to the woman that raised us. I wish my dad could have just sucked it up for the best interest of us kids.
For those of you still reading, I have my side as a step-mom. I never was much for the idea of having kids, so when I met my now husband and he had a 2 year old son I was a little skeptical about dating him. I fell for Addam, but I felt sure he was the one the moment I saw him with his son Dade. Addam is an amazing dad, he cares so much for his son and does everything in his power to be there every minute he can. Growing up with a dad like mine, that says a lot for a man’s character and I knew he was something special. He has the typical every other weekend, every other Wednesday for 3 hours, but holidays are just a mess. It is so hard to see both Addam and Dade hurt so much and be so limited to when they can see each other.
It’s so difficult to watch Addam and Dade hurt when they can’t spend more time together. On top of that, knowing she has referred to Addam as “selfish” for asking for more time makes me sick to my stomach. If anyone can grasp the concept of being selfish for wanting to see their child, please enlighten me. How can a mother keep a child from his/her father simply because the paper has a time and day on it? My mom always told us “No one gave me a book on how to raise you four. I just had to figure it out.” There is no manual on how to raise kids and I’m sure there isn’t one for dealing with your ex. You just have to figure it out. So I wish people would down those precious parenting agreements and listen to what your kids are asking for. If they want/need more time with another parent and that parent is begging for the same then let it happen. At the end of the day it’s not about you. I’m not sure if any of this can help anyone, but if it does then I’m glad. If not, then I still feel better having typed it out.