Narcolepsy and the Quad

A couple strengthening each other's weaknesses through God's love and life's lessons.

From a Stepmom’s Perspective

I was raised in home where my parents were married. They still are. I had a couple of friends who’s parents were divorced, one saw her dad every other weekend, and one that saw her dad all the time because her parents got along so well. I would never see how hurt a dad or child could be only seeing each other every other weekend, until I married Devyn.

Devyn is such a great dad. He craves time with his kids. But, he has the usual agreement of every other weekend and with holidays on odd years. This summer we were graciously given a whole week, after mom’s lawyer advised her to. But, before that, he had the kids not one minute after five on Sunday. No extra time. No weekends switched. Strict on the parenting agreement.

I try to imagine my life in the kids shoes. I don’t like doing it. I love my mom and dad equally. I need both of them equally. God created man and women to have a child together. Each person has something special to give to a child. Why should dad get so little time now?

Divorce is so common now. Half brothers and sisters and step mom and step dad and step grandparents and step cousins all added everyday. What does it do to a child to see parents broken up, to date new people, to marry, to have new kids together? I think I would feel like I didn’t belong. Mom had kids with step dad, I feel out of place. Dad got married, I have to share my time now, I feel out of place. I belonged to one couple who became separate people, only to become a couple again with someone new, someone who didn’t create me.

The kids crave time with Devyn. Every weekend we hear, “I wish we had more time here.” They love their dad, they need their dad. And dad loves and needs them too.

A friend of mine now has her own little family. She comes from a divorced home where mom was strict with the parenting agreement. Not one minute extra with dad. She still holds a grudge against mom. Maybe I could even get her to write a guest post on the subject.

I’m writing this to vent, to support men only lawyers, to support dads who love their kids, and to maybe open a mom’s eyes. You may be trying to get back at your ex- or maybe just like your time with the kids. But please don’t be stingy. Be open to extra time with dad, especially when kids are asking for it. In the end, you’re not just hurting dad like you might have hoped, you are hurting your kids, and hurting yourself by causing resentment in your kids.

Please comment! Tell me your good and bad experiences with divorce. Lets’s be open. You may need to let out some steam too.

-Hannah the Narcoleptic.

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10 replies

  1. As a paralegal there is nothing that makes me anymore angry than watching a parent restrict visitation time with the other parent. Granted there are parents out there who don’t want or don’t deserve visitation time but I know Devyn is not one of those parents.

    Divorce is too common place these days. I have been married 28 years to the same man and it is the first marriage for the both of us. It hasn’t been easy but during those times that I thought it was over I reminded myself of one thing – my kids loved their daddy and their daddy loved them. For their sake I would not destroy their lives.

    God bless you both. Maybe one day she will lighten up and realize how blessed she is to have a man and his “new” wife that loves those kids as much as she does.

  2. My parents were divorced, may they rest in peace. It was my dad who didn’t want time to parent, not they other way around. But, my mom, God bless her soul, never told me anything unkind about my dad. She defended him, said good things about him (they weren’t lies, there were many good things about him), dried my tears and helped me be excited for when I would see him next. Neither of my parents tried to turn me against the other. That is the greatest gift of love for your child when you are a single parent – – – you gift them with love for the coparent. Thanks, Mom

  3. My husband was never married to the mother of his son, but we too are in the same boat. Although, my stepson is 7 now, my husband and his ex are finally going to a lawyer to have everything put in paper. We have been doing the every other weekend thing for 7 years now, and I’m hoping to get a little more time in there.

  4. My story goes against the norms of seperation and step-parenting. My partner has 2 boys and he’s actually got primary custody of them – so they live with us most of the time and see their mother in the middle of the week, every second weekend and half of the holidays. My partner and I don’t yet have our own kids, but his ex has an additional 2 kids with her current partner. We’re open to the boys spending time with their mother, but generally she’s the one refusing to put in time or effort with them which causes their resentment. As much as I love being a parent to the boys, it does break my heart when they talk about how much I do and care for them compared to their own mother. I can only hope that when I have my own biological children that the boys won’t feel the neglection they feel with their mother.

  5. It’s so interesting to me that you list at the beginning how your parents are still married, yet you seem to speak as though you have been there yourself. No offense but you are not a mother nor have you dealt with a divorce personally. I understand that this is your opinion but sometimes you need to walk to the other side of the fence and get the other person’s perspective before going by what you see or hear through the cracks. Also children are just that they are children, and they love the one they are with at that time so as not to hurt the feelings of either parent. And just because one or both parents get remarried it does not mean that the children are loved any less by either parent, as long as the adults remember that the most important people in the equation are THE CHILDREN. The children should be included in everything you do and not just on the back burner of your mind for the few days they are with you. The parents and step parents both need to remember that it is about the children and not about the parents trying to see who can out do the other.

    • Hi Poppy-Mom, I was actually trying to put myself in the children’s shoes. I can only imagine what they are going through. I am not a mother but am a stepmother who loves her step kids as if they were her own. And no, my parents were not divorced, nor have I had a divorce. But I’m married into a divorced family, so yes, I am continually dealing with divorce. Now have you put yourself in your children’s father’s shoes? Imagine seeing your kids only every other weekend. I think you’d be crushed.

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